The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted each of our lives in a significant way, yet sadly, many have experienced disproportionate levels of hardship. Even before the pandemic, we(CAP) knew that people in debt were struggling on a low income, going without food, experiencing poor mental health, and feeling isolated.

2020 is no different, in the report we found:

• 84% of CAP clients have an income lower than the national average.
• 62% borrowed money to pay another bill or debt.
• Household peak debt hit a record high of £17,917.
• 58% said that they had nobody to turn to when they had a problem.
• 28% of CAP clients had considered or attempted suicide as a way out of debt.

You can read the report here.

I remember one dark day I was angry with my life and God. I was struggling. Really struggling. I felt alone and in despair. I thought only that it would be better in heaven. I already felt like I was dying inside.I wasn’t suicidal, but I did feel as though I was dying inside.

It was at this time that I was doing a Bible Study of some sort that said something to the effect of God knows what yu are going through. I thought to myself, ” He never felt like this, like he was dying inside.” I began to wander through Scripture and by the grace of God found this verse, Mark 14:32-34 ” Then they came to a place called Gethsemane. he said to his disciples, “stay here while I pray” He took Peter James & John with him and began to feel distressed and anguished. He said to them, ” My anguish is so great that I feel as if I’m dying. wait here stay awake

Anon

At this, the lowest point of my life, God threw me a lifeline.

As I left the gym one Saturday afternoon, I saw a man on the running machine. He had been a very violent guy, but I knew that he had become a Christian and turned his life around. I was an angry, bitter man at that point. I can look back and see that I was searching for something, that I had a God-shaped hole in my life, but at the time, I just knew that I had no peace in my life. I saw that peace in him, and I wanted some. We spoke, and later went out for coffee. I realised that he used to be a football hooligan, and we had known each other – and fought often – on the Arsenal terraces. Eventually, he took me to church where I said the most powerful words I’ve ever said, with some guy named Nicky Gumbel, who led me in a prayer of repentance, forgiveness, and salvation

.As it says in Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Life is not always easy, and it will always have its troubles, but I have found the peace that I had been searching for. I have eternal hope as I surrender my life to Jesus every single day.

Simon

https://barnabasfund.org/save-nigeria/#letter

https://www.facebook.com/CAPuk/videos/2849455185310103

As Alpha began, I felt the need to reflect on my life with God. Growing up I had always believed in something, I was so sure about a God existing although I had no idea how to have a relationship with him. I did things that I thought would earn me his love and rewards; very rarely feeling anything. Christian festivals or youth group weekends away turned into opportunities to spot the hot boys. I normally hooked up with a few and then felt guilty about it afterwards.

My whole relationship with God and the Church had been a confusing mess. It all stemmed back to abuse that I faced in church when I was 13 years old. Abuse that left me so broken and scared. I was constantly angry with the Church, angry with God and resenting everyone around me who tried to interfere.

At the time when I was 13, I didn’t realise I was so angry. Instead I wanted to find my own coping mechanisms; to find a way to switch off all those things I was feeling. The hurt, the pain, the dysfunction of everyday life. Rather than talk about it, I found my own way. This magical coping mechanism with new my best friend, Anorexia. She did so much for me, controlling my every move but it didn’t matter because she made me feel amazing. Anorexia was everything I needed to get me through day to day and I loved it. Throughout my illness I carried on going to church but was unable to really engage with anything there. I would use it as a chance to skip meals, and be out more.

It was all going swimmingly, or so I thought. All up until aged 17 and with a failing heart and yellowing skin I was admitted to a mental health hospital. I didn’t get it. Why was everyone trying to take away this one thing in my life that made me feel so good? The one thing that I felt was my solution to everything?

People would visit and pray for me. All the while, I was praying for the pain to just go but felt nothing from God. He never had given me what I needed. It seemed to me that he had watched me fall and crumble. That he had watched me suffer at the hands of an abuser. This so-called God; how could he possibly claim to love everyone? That was where faith had stopped for me.

Facing my brokenness

Eleven years ago I walked out of a church and vowed never to go back. I tried church three times at university but once again felt judged, and like no one understood.

Little did I know that eleven years later I would be stood in the entrance to Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB), sweating on a hot summer’s Sunday evening. I looked through the door, debating what to do. Eventually I crept in, hiding in the back row of church so no one would talk to me; so I could keep myself separate.

Then Alpha began. I had no idea what to expect, so my guard was up. I spent the first few weeks resorting back to my old teenage self (that version of me where I so often used to get stuck, trapped in my 13-year-old self that was formed by the abuse).

I knew something was stopping me making a commitment to God but I couldn’t work out what. Perhaps the idea of giving up control? Trust? The guilt I felt? The fact that I couldn’t let go of my past? I felt God had punished me over the summer, and over parts my life because of what had happened to me as a child.

Hope Virgo (extract) “Stand Tall little Girl”

Facing up o Anorexia